Blessing's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Kakaryariko]

Confusing. Really really really confusing. Aside from the first 4 seconds or so I didn't understand what this had to do with Kakariko or even Zelda for that matter. Who is this guy? Why does he want a chicken rather than getting food from someplace that has food prepared? Why is he talking to Link about it when Link doesn't own these chickens? Why does he call Link a talker before even giving Link the chance to say anything? Why is everyone's face smashed in like that? Who is the second guy? Why do they kill Link out of the blue? Why are the lines so weird? The guy who did them needs a better mic cause it almost sounded like ripped audio (in fact I watched the credits to see if it mentioned ripping audio from something so that I could try to understand the joke, but the voices were actually credited to someone so I guess not). This was extremely random, weird, disturbing, and confusing. Unfortunately, words I wouldn't use are entertaining, funny, and pretty to look at. Have someone proof read your script next time to make sure it's not... Strange.

[Toons These Days: Ep 26]

At first when I watched this I figured you were trying to play up to the audience, intentionally giving TTG a lower score than how you really felt because a lot of fans of the earlier show were disappointed at the changes that were made. Then I saw your review of Phineas and Ferb and realized that was not the case. You just genuinely have bad taste.

I kid. Sort of. I mean I do honestly think Phineas and Ferb is a painfully stupid show with 2nd grader level comedy, and I do truly think that TTG is a surprisingly hilarious and superior show in every way except maybe merchandising, but no one really has bad taste, just different taste. Your definition of "copy" needs some work though. For one thing I don't see how a company can "copy" it's own show by bringing the cast into a new show years later, that's more of a revival thing. Secondly, this show has a very different flavor, much more cartoony and comedy based. Thirdly, how you can consider Teen Titans a copy of Batman is a remarkable leap. That's like saying every sitcom ever is a "copy" of Friends, or every book is a "copy" of the bible. Robin and fighting bad guys is about all Teen Titans and the Batman comics had in common. Your show needs to stop copying Neurotically Yours.

[Madness Battle Generator]

Wow... Just... Wow. I read a review of yours elsewhere where you criticized someone for "crappy as possible, rudimentary animations and artwork". The irony is not wasted. You also criticized "rudimentary tweened static graphics", "bad animations", "Low keyframes per second", and "Some of the poses are awkward, which means you can't pose figures properly." It's unreal. I had no idea that you knew these things failed from personal experience, but now I see how embarrassingly bad these things turned out for you, leading to your "advice". Hypocrisy is hilarious and I thank you for a good laugh, but let's move on to your movie, shall we?

Now you've heavily insisted that we consider this a movie, not an interactive thing at all, so I'll review it as such. At the start of the movie we have three guys on the left and a single guy in green on the right. They're taking cover so clearly an awesome fight is about to break out (by awesome fight I mean overdone plotless rehashed tweenfest with forgettable characters cause, of course, it's a Madness flash). Sure enough, after a brief peek to steel his nerves, the green guy boldly charges out, guns blazing, hitting nothing. He runs straight toward the 3 better armed men... And right past them... And right off the screen. The enemy sniper moves out of cover and cautiously takes a few steps toward the right of the screen, still focused on the block that the guy in green clearly isn't hiding behind anymore. The others watch the block from the safety of their own block, which is providing no cover since the guy in green is behind them somewhere, off the screen to the left. After a long pause of nothing happening, one guy gets shot in the back by the green guy. The other guy comes out wiggling left and right as he dances over to a gun on the ground and dances back to cover the same way. The sniper is still eyeing that block that the green guy hasn't been behind since the first 3 seconds of the flash. Another pause. The green guy (still off screen) shoots the other guy who's hiding. This guy falls on his back and begins headbanging, an act he'll still be doing as I write this review, three minutes later. The sniper finally decides he sees something worthwhile and runs off screen to the right. The guy in green steps onto the left edge of the screen and stands there. For infinity.

This was not a good movie, not even by Madness standards.

kkots responds:

No, I will try to be nice.
Here we go: do not pick on people for writing reviews. I have the right to express my opinion, even in vulgar and abusive manner. You have no right to attack me for that.
Please, ignore things that annoy you, instead of fighting, as you may see it.

[Bogaturs.11]

The ending was weird and confusing, but up until that point this was really impressive.

[Not a Normal Genie]

This was funny and well animated. I decided to give this 5 stars. Had to make a minor deduction, obviously, due to the painful voice chosen for the man making the wishes. It sounds like the dog from those stupid cartoon network skits. I would like to urinate on him as he's flying into the sun. I would be willing to die from solar rays just to make sure that dog and the man voicing him understood the true level at which I hate that voice.

[How to make a GG animated]

I almost voted unfairly high on this because frankly Game Grumps animations are retarded. Game Grumps aren't really funny to begin with, but when you take the audio out of context and try to make a cartoon out of it it reaches a whole new level of suck that makes dbz sprite battles look like Disney quality animations.

But anyway, I then read your author's comments and confusion abounded. Why make such a hateful GG flash and then turn around and say you love them? Unless of course you're a total tool who's hoping to win favor with both sides by standing with neither. Realizing this, my urge to give undeserved points subsided and I decided to measure this flash on its true merit instead.

True, you threw in that comment about it being crappy on purpose, but honestly what does that change? Doesn't make it good just cause you meant for it to be crappy. In fact people are often more generous with their votes when they think someone is new to flash (Something I proved to some of my friends with my hit flash Deth Fiting! A timeless classic!) and here you're blatantly telling us you didn't give a crap when making this flash. So if anything people should vote lower than normal for this flash. CHOOSING to make crap does not make it more than crap. It's still crap.

So let's take a look at it.

Animation? There is none. There's some tweening but not even a facial expression animation, so 0 on that. Sound? Your mic isn't the best quality, but even if it was you sound like you're on 30 tranquilizers. You should have at least put some subtle music in the background or something, so that's going to hurt your score too. Art? Mostly sticks. Poorly proportioned awkwardly posed sticks. Can't give THAT a good score. Story? Plot? Humor? All absent. So let's tally up the score. I'll give you one point for everything you did well and remove one point for everything you did poorly.

...Guess I'll give you enough bonus points to break even at 0.

[Racist Bassist]

I realize that the audio isn't yours, but since you chose to base a flash around it you obviously think it's worth showing off so I'll factor it into my review anyway. That said, this was dumb. The humor wasn't really funny, the voices were annoying, and they couldn't say 3 words without laughing like school girls. The art was really weird and inconsistent. They looked like worms, muppets, and basically everything but humans. Why did you choose to make one of them have a thumb for a head in the middle of the flash? Most likely to show that you give zero fucks and we should do the same. Their joints all moved like they had no bones whatsoever but their faces were still able to go from as much detail as a smiley face to excessively unrealistic wrinkles everywhere. Inconsistency which ends up distracting. There were moments where the animation was smooth, but those were too few and far between to fix everything else in this flash. Why go with a crumpled paper texture? It added nothing to the flash and didn't fit in with anything they were saying. Just another fascinatingly confusing choice in an effort to make this whole thing so distracting and confusing that MAYBE people won't realize they're watching some scribbles move to stolen audio. (And no, kiddo, I'm not saying the audio is literally stolen, I'm saying you had no creative input into it and the audio was not made with this flash in mind.)

[Game Grumps 3d #05]

The animation was pretty good, so I'll give it a star, but this was confusing and random. What did the opening have to do with anything? Why was the short guy blue? He wasn't a kirby, he was some creepy blue human thing. Where were they going? What wings was the guy talking about? Why was there a comment about them being attached when they weren't? This is why Game Grumps animations are stupid. They make no sense so they're not entertaining, they're made from the audio of Game Grumps videos so they lack originality on the part of the "artist", and while you could MAYBE argue that they're almost slightly funny in context out of context they're just stupid. It's essentially stealing someone else's garbage, wiping your ass on it, and then passing it off as some creation you're proud of. Like a couple others I've seen, you have talent in modeling and animation, unfortunately this is a severe waste of it. Game Grumps is murdering the creativity of otherwise talented artists.

[The Man Who Won't Rhyme]

Everything before the introduction of Bro kind of confused me. Like... Why were the people telling him out of the blue not to be happy? And he became Eminem and went to a rap battle or something? Just the whole first bit of this flash before Bro confused me. My first impression was that you were going for a powerful statement about homophobia. I was ready to applaud what I thought was a message about the ugliness of blind hate. Then I took a closer look and realized I was overestimating the seriousness of this flash. I mean the characters are named Bro and Dude, and the tragedy of the story revolves around rhyming. Even the title is silly and then there's the main character gleefully leaping around with those few lines that repeat multiple times. And the fact that you used the word "chap" in the author's comments (come on, you can't say the word "chap" with a serious guy face). And there was that forced scene with the dildo that came out of nowhere. The more I thought about it it became clear that I was seeing something that wasn't there. In retrospect I can tell this was just meant to be another parody about how silly them wacky homosexuals are (and how they comically get what's coming to them in the end, right? herp derp).

Some of my friends growing up were gay and they were great people worthy of more than being the butt of jokes. Your belittling of them is mildly offensive, but I digress.

The music was very good, Tomamoto's voice acting was excellent, and I liked the art style. You have a lot of potential and I hope you make more flashes, though I'd like to request you don't tackle such controversial themes as if they were cheap punchlines in the future.

FrozenFire responds:

They were giving him problems for being super flamboyant. At that point he's not even sure what his sexuality is.

He just acted a lot like Freddie M from Queen and some parents got concerned

[The Legend of Nylocke]

Why does the demon guy suddenly attack Tim Curry? At no point did Tim say "and then I'm going to betray demon guy" or anything to void their alliance, at no point was he hit to break his concentration or have some mind control gem shattered or anything, and at no point did Nylocke say "look within your heart, demon guy, help me!" There was absolutely no logical reason for the demon to switch sides where he did and, subsequently, no reason for the whole conversation that came immediately after. I get that this whole flash is basically the plot of The Incredibles (albeit with a much more irritating protagonist), but the second in command in that movie had an excuse for betraying the villain, this demon just kind of does it out of the blue.