Blessing's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Sergeant Shadman]

You also forgot

That Shadman does endless kiddy porn. Huzzah for cartoon adults raping cartoon children. Shadman does when not drawing...

['Arrow to the Knee']

Skyrim stuff...

Here's what I liked:
-The art and animation were both nice
-The ending, I must admit, made me laugh

Here's what I didn't:
-The noises the nerd man made while he was being held were irritating
-I could tell that the phrasing the skyrim guy was using for his threats was supposed to be colorful and funny, but it just came off as cliche and a little stupid, though that could just be cause he was yelling everything
-This is a skyrim flash
-The voice acting was painful to listen to, although, to be fair, when your characters are a stereotypical nasal nerd and a guy who is for some reason screaming everything, it's almost impossible for voice acting to truly shine

Overall, I imagine this would be funnier to me if I actually played/liked skyrim. But hey, hearing over and over again about some overrated creation of Bethesda that you wish people could let go of and move on with their lives? I can relate to the poor warrior in this flash in that regard.

[-The Guardian-]

This was pretty good

What I liked:
-Nice animation
-Decent art
-Nice music
-Cool alien guys

What I didn't like so much:
-Text instead of voice acting
-It's rather unclear early on why the boy's in the forest, why he's chosen, and why someone so apparently brave and strong-willed doesn't seem to struggle in the slightest when he's grabbed and taken for a ride
-Why does Mr. Suit present the boy with the ornament only to demand it back a few seconds later? If he got the ornament so easily without being detected by the alien why not just sneak off without speaking to anyone?

The story seems a little plot-holey, but the animation was fun to watch anyway.

[TOME Short: Hackers]

I just don't see why...

In honor of the forced sports comments, I've decided to go play-by-play and cover this flash from start to finish.

It opens with some spritey text that finds the long way to say "hackers are bad people" and then we're greeted by two of the most irritating characters in the series. Rockoon starts with an unnecessary comment about smelling things which he spices up with an unnecessary accent. Green guy (whose name I don't know and don't care to find out so we'll call him Bob) manages a comment that's almost relevant to the discussion at hand, but then Rockoon saves the conversation from being coherent by replying that he loves Bob, but not as much as money. This was either an attempt at sarcasm (in which case the "not as much as money" statement becomes confusing since it's used in a sarcastic sentence) or "impressive stupidity" joins Rockoons list of irritating features and he's choosing an odd time to confess his love (which, sadly, makes more sense, given his reaction to Bob saying he hates him later). Bob then replies "Just as long as this job doesn't cut into my sports".

Again, we've dipped into a reply that has nothing to do with the previous sentence. It sounds like he's conceding to someone. "This better not cut into my sports" would have been a better line since it's a stand alone sentence, however, does anyone really care about his sports? Why play this game if it's such a burden? Is someone holding a gun to his head? I can (and guess what, DO) turn off games that I don't like at any time that I don't want to play them. A character playing the game just so he can complain about how much he doesn't want to be playing the game makes you want to slap Bob just as much as you do Rockoon. Bob continues to complain, so Rockoon shuts him up by again answering a question that wasn't asked and talking about hacking. This calls for another irritating voice!

Bob becomes fed up with the game and explains that he doesn't care and he's done after this job (which he's either doing for a bunch of in-game currency on a game he never plans to play again, or someone very interested in an object in this game has decided to hack an account for and pay a sports-loving man who hates video games to play a video game while having no idea what he's searching for, rather than hacking an account for themselves and using their knowledge of the object in question to find it faster). Maybe Bob himself is a hacker, who accepted a job and now wants to complain because he himself agreed to do something. He never comments that his family is being held hostage, and since Bob loves to give out forced information without anyone asking or leading the conversation in that direction I'll assume that there IS no reason for Bob to HAVE to do this job. And that of course brings us right back to the "why play when you just want to complain about playing?" question. Bob is a little frustrated when he explains that he's done after this job, but from the piss-his-pants expression that Bob's words give Rockoon, you'd think that Bob had sprouted horns and begun spewing fountains of lava from his eyeballs.

Rockoon seems surprisingly offended when Bob admits to not liking him. Since Bob is bored of blowing stuff up in this stupid game, Rockoon suggests changing pace by blowing stuff up in this stupid game. Bob suddenly 180s and realizes that he likes the game after all and he's ready to do the job. The same job that less than two minutes ago he spent two minutes complaining about.

So the humor pretty much falls flat. Seems like most reviewers are aware of that. The art is recycled and in some places really out of place. Someone said that at least the plot is gripping, but what plot do we get out of this? Honestly, what do we learn from this flash? Rockoon is annoying, Bob is grumpy. Stuff we knew. Neither of the characters say anything that gives them depth or makes a viewer look at the plot from a different angle. Truthfully, there was really no reason to make this flash.

[Zelda Uncut- Preview]

Uh coolish...

Let me start by saying that I like the art a lot, you've stayed true to the series. I also like the animation, it looks like it will be good. That being said, this really tells me less than nothing about what the series will be about. Viewed by itself it's some plotless eyecandy, but I have to admit that I expected it to have a few audio clips where Link says something that indirectly tells us what the overall goal in this series is. From what I saw I had no idea what to expect other than that it will have Link. Your author's comments shed more light on the subject (in that it will be "comedic") but still little info is given. It's cool that you have this intro, and it's well done and all, but by itself... Y'know... Anyway, looking forward to the actual series. Curious to see how it will play out.

[TopStick]

Ups and Downs.

Things I liked:
-Some of this was very well animated
-Some of it (like the IM in the middle of battle) was funny
-Most of it went well with the song
-You paid tribute to many different characters
-When I realized who was descending from the sky, I did have a hair-on-the-back-of-my-neck moment
-This was, overall, probably the best flash sticks could ever hope to achieve

Things I didn't like:
-The fact that you didn't edit the song at all led to a few places where things felt slow and drawn out
-You seemed to kill off non-tween characters too quickly
-Despite all of your author's comments and the intro suggesting we'd find out who is top stick, the flash doesn't end with a winner (while this may be your attempt at not insulting any of your inspirations, it leaves the viewer feeling cheated, you shouldn't claim that we actually will "find out who is top stick" if you're not going to have a winner, just say something like "watch them battle for the title of top stick", then you haven't made any promises that you've failed to deliver on)
-The "something at the end of the credits" thing is a very dirty trick, I thought you actually WOULD declare a winner so I sat through a painfully irritating song... By the way...
-Painfully irritating credits song made me turn off my speakers
-...As well as some of the slowest moving credits in history...
-Slowest moving credits in history
-...All so that I could see, not a scene of a winner, but of all sticks magically resurrected and looping the same 6 frame action while you do some brown nosing, it would have been nice to know in advance that the final scene was only for the benefit of creators of characters in this flash rather than for the average newgrounds visitor

Overall though, this was quite a feat. Very well done.

[TOME Episode 01]

Had its ups and downs...

Very clearly inspired by .Hack, but not a bad imitation. The art and animation were pretty good, and I did like Alpha by the end of it. The voice actor did a very good job and I'm curious to see what's done with the character. Having people slide onto the screen to cover their background selves when they speak was a little irritating, but eventually I accepted it since it was an ode to the genre and everything. A lot of the characters seemed pretty one-dimensional though. It's like you wrote a single sentence to describe each one and then catered their every action around that theme. Coupled with the extreme voices that you gave most characters, this made some of the characters mildly annoying (like the guy who needs to swear for no apparent reason) and turned others into unbearably irritating Scrappies (Rockoon, Kirbopher, Nylock). Despite the fact that I'm strongly hoping for half of the cast to die painful deaths in the first ten seconds of the next flash, this series does look like it has some potential. I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one. Keep up the good work.

Kirbopher responds:

Thanks for taking the time, although I'm now endlessly pondering the meaning of the word "scrappies".

[I can't fap to this...]

You seem to be really popular...

That's the only logic I can come up with to justify the score this flash is getting right now. Don't get me wrong, the art is solid and the animation is decent, but let's be serious here, the entire pun of this flash is summed up in the title. This would make a funny picture if you showed them looking at that cat and added a caption, but it seems like you took that single funny line and tried to stretch it into a full flash but fell tragically short in the process.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

...pun?

[Rudy gets a call]

Eh...

Not bad. I can tell you really don't like that show. You made Rudy look really faggy and really made... Uh... What's-his-name annoying. Harsh. I think you could have tightened up the writing a bit though. He basically says the same thing over and over in different ways. "Remember me?" can really only run on for about 20-30 seconds before it grows stale. Rudy added absolutely nothing to the conversation unfortunately which was really a missed opportunity. You make funny stuff, I think you could come up with better lines than "uhhhhhh..."

That aside, the art was nice though. The lines and colors were clean and the chalk zone lining was well done. Be careful with how you layer things though. Blue... Cape... Chalky-thing's right leg should have been on a layer under his pants instead of on a layer above to hide the very visible ending of his shin/knee area. All-in-all, some things worth touching up but a pretty solid effort. Keep it up!

[Best School Day Ever]

Dude!

This was awesome. My only complaint is that the actual battle, the spot that should have had the MOST of that smooth animation you were throwing around everywhere else, was done with just three tweens. This is really really impressive, please focus some of that kickassery into a more aggressive battle scene in the future. Hop in, get your hands dirty, go nuts! Keep making flash though, this is great!